4.30.2007

Welcome, Randy

Dear Randy Moss:

Welcome to New England! Most of the football fans in the area are very excited that you've decided to restructure your contract so you would be able to play for the New England Patriots for the next couple of seasons (and maybe longer).

We understand that you've had some run-ins with the law in the past, but we also know that the Patriots are a billion dollar organization with a history of success that wouldn't trade for a player of your caliber simply because you were available. If it's one thing most of us can agree on (minus Ron Borges), it's this: In Bill We Trust.

You say that you've made some "mistakes" while you were younger -- we love euphemisms too, but let's also be honest: we didn't need you in the first place. The team was 30 minutes away from yet another Superbowl appearance (in which they would have easily dismantled the Bears), without 2007 off-season additions Donte Stallworth, Kelley Washington, Wes Welker and a healthy version of Rodney Harrison. Yes, our defense was our undoing in the AFC Championship game, but I don't see you out there as a defensive back.

Regardless, the Patriots "system" welcomes you with open arms.

The Patriots are essentially in a no-lose situation: either you come in, follow in the path of reformed malcontent Corey Dillon and play like you did in Minnesota or you decide to become the center of the universe and destroy years of built-up locker room chemistry, only to be cut by the Patriots with minimal monetary impact. $3 million unguaranteed plus $2 million in incentives is a steal.

Most people will say "The Patriots turned Corey Dillon around, why not Randy Moss?" Most people need to get their heads out of their asses. We know that you and Corey Dillon are two different animals -- Dillon was a malcontent in Cincinnati because he tried to be the franchise running back, playmaker, everything for seven seasons resulting in a record of 44-78. He lashed out to the media, players and fans who thought that as the team "star", he should be playing better. He never wanted to be the star in the first place. All he wanted was to win -- and he has two rings to show that he did it with the Patriots.

You, on the other hand, have a history of being an anti-team player. You've walked off the field despite the game still going because you thought it was a lost cause. You fake-mooned fans (even though they probably deserved it). You ran over a traffic cop. You squirted a referee with a water bottle. You're no Terrell Owens when it comes to being self centered, but you're damn close.

You'll have the Patriots and the knowledgeable fans on your side. You want to win a Superbowl -- why else would you restructure your contract? It might take a while to charm the media (if ever). The morning shows and the columnists are already calling you a bad fit, a liar, and a poor sportsman. They're also the same crowd that panders to Curt Schilling and hasn't called for the dismissal of Doc Rivers because he's good for a sound bite on any given night.

In closing, you can expect to find a clambake package at your hotel room sometime around Labor Day, and a shiny $35,000 diamond-encrusted ring next Spring.

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