12.15.2004

Goodbye Pedro, We (Hardly) Knew Ye

Pedro Martinez is gone and the collective sentiment in Red Sox Nation is a resounding "meh" -- and why not? After years of crying wolf over not getting respect and not expecting to receive that respect in the form of millions and millions of dollars he could never spend, Pedro Martinez has left for money-greener pastures.

Good riddance (and good luck, seriously, heartfeltly).

Watching Pedro either on TV or at Fenway Park was almost always an electrifying experience. Pretty much every columnist (both print and electronic) put on their retrospective writer's hat and waxed about Pedro's dominant years like they were describing their first love -- and really, that's OK, because I would too if I could write better, and if my first love wasn't a psycho.

My eyes were glued to the TV set when he pitched relief in Cleveland and when he struck out 17 Yankees and countless other times. I was on my feet in Fenway Park just as much when he threw that ball down the stretch. All good times, but all good times come to an end. You say your goodbyes and part ways.

So why are the newspaper columnists trying to make such a big stink about this? Yesterday is was Dan Shaugnessy and today it's Bob Ryan. Next week the Globe might try to resurrect Will McDonough to sell even more papers.

The man won a World Series and pitched his way into the Hall of Fame with the numbers he put up in a Sox uniform. All along he's been about getting compensated the best way possible (not a secret); so why is it suprising that he would go to the highest bidder? It's a dumb move by the Mets to give him so much money while in the twilight of his career, but it's a wicked smaht move on Pedro's part.

So you say that money is ruining professional sports? As the pre-suck Ben Affleck said in The Boiler Room, "Anybody who tells you money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any." Everything is a business -- from the federal government down to you eating lunch every day. It's going to take more than a MLB starting pitcher to buck the system enough to bring us to communism. Pedro Martinez is enlightened and talented enough to realize this and though it is sad to see him go, I look forward to the future of the Red Sox, and not Pedro Martinez and his traveling band of Red Sox idiots.

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12.06.2004

My Sister is a Poo-Face

Online revenge is a bitch.

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12.01.2004

The Defenstration of Blog

If you know me, you probably know about my propensity to tell long, boring, exhausting stories about the simplest of subjects, just to make your eyes roll. My two "big finishers" are the story about how Bob Seger came up with the song "Night Moves" and the Defenestration of Prague.

So Paul Hanlon forwarded me a link from CNN the other day in which Webster's Dictionary reported its Top Ten online searched words for 2004. #1 -- Blog, #10 -- Defenestration..... Defenestration???? Of the thousands and thousands of visits to Merriam-Webster.com, the tenth-most searched word was "defenestration"? Odd, but not unrealistic.

THE DEFENESTRATION OF PRAGUE, Part 1 The Game's Afoot

Did you know that the events (including the Defenestration itself) leading up to the 30-Years War actually took about 200 years to develop? Yessir, yes indeed. In the late 1300's there was this man of the times, Jan Hus, who had a problem with the Catholic Church. He didn't like how they operated. He wrote letters -- angry letters saying you couldn't buy your way into heaven. He had quite the following because of this. The letters and the follow got the notice of the Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire who invited Jan Hus to talk things over.

THE DEFENESTRATION OF PRAGUE, Part 2 Trouble in the Forest

So Jan Hus decides to go visit the Emperor but is ambushed! He's arrested and brought before the church to testify! He's given no chance and ultimately burned at the stake.

THE DEFENESTRATION OF PRAGUE, Part 3 Those Crazy Hussites

So Jan Hus's follower -- the Hussites make a big stink. Big enough for the Austrian Empire to take over and rule over Bohemia for the next two hundred years.

THE DEFENESTRATION OF PRAGUE, Part 4 Get to the Damn Defenstration

So the Austrians have two viceroys in Prague, ruling over everyone. One day, in the early 17th century, a couple crazy Bohemians run up the town of the viceroys' castle and throw them out the window -- into a pile of manure. There you go, DEFENESTRATION.

THE DEFENESTRATION OF PRAGUE, Epilogue

Something about 30 years of bloody war, face of Europe forever changed, German militancy born, something, something, rise of facism a few hundred years later, blah blah, no more defenestrations.

Feel free to ask me about "Night Moves".

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