Welcome, Randy

Dear Randy Moss:

Welcome to New England! Most of the football fans in the area are very excited that you've decided to restructure your contract so you would be able to play for the New England Patriots for the next couple of seasons (and maybe longer).

We understand that you've had some run-ins with the law in the past, but we also know that the Patriots are a billion dollar organization with a history of success that wouldn't trade for a player of your caliber simply because you were available. If it's one thing most of us can agree on (minus Ron Borges), it's this: In Bill We Trust.

You say that you've made some "mistakes" while you were younger -- we love euphemisms too, but let's also be honest: we didn't need you in the first place. The team was 30 minutes away from yet another Superbowl appearance (in which they would have easily dismantled the Bears), without 2007 off-season additions Donte Stallworth, Kelley Washington, Wes Welker and a healthy version of Rodney Harrison. Yes, our defense was our undoing in the AFC Championship game, but I don't see you out there as a defensive back.

Regardless, the Patriots "system" welcomes you with open arms.

The Patriots are essentially in a no-lose situation: either you come in, follow in the path of reformed malcontent Corey Dillon and play like you did in Minnesota or you decide to become the center of the universe and destroy years of built-up locker room chemistry, only to be cut by the Patriots with minimal monetary impact. $3 million unguaranteed plus $2 million in incentives is a steal.

Most people will say "The Patriots turned Corey Dillon around, why not Randy Moss?" Most people need to get their heads out of their asses. We know that you and Corey Dillon are two different animals -- Dillon was a malcontent in Cincinnati because he tried to be the franchise running back, playmaker, everything for seven seasons resulting in a record of 44-78. He lashed out to the media, players and fans who thought that as the team "star", he should be playing better. He never wanted to be the star in the first place. All he wanted was to win -- and he has two rings to show that he did it with the Patriots.

You, on the other hand, have a history of being an anti-team player. You've walked off the field despite the game still going because you thought it was a lost cause. You fake-mooned fans (even though they probably deserved it). You ran over a traffic cop. You squirted a referee with a water bottle. You're no Terrell Owens when it comes to being self centered, but you're damn close.

You'll have the Patriots and the knowledgeable fans on your side. You want to win a Superbowl -- why else would you restructure your contract? It might take a while to charm the media (if ever). The morning shows and the columnists are already calling you a bad fit, a liar, and a poor sportsman. They're also the same crowd that panders to Curt Schilling and hasn't called for the dismissal of Doc Rivers because he's good for a sound bite on any given night.

In closing, you can expect to find a clambake package at your hotel room sometime around Labor Day, and a shiny $35,000 diamond-encrusted ring next Spring.

I think it's time for a FOX special: When Red Sox Fans Attack

Can someone make an underground DVD of all this, like that one with hockey fights, or the one that's "too extreme for TV" that shows people getting hit by trains?

I want to say that I'm embarrassed as a Red Sox fan, but at the same time, part of me yearns for those days when "Friendly Fenway" was just Fenway Park, they only served Bud/Bud Light, and Wally was just the wet dream of a marketing executive still in B-school.

Does anyone know what caused this fracas? The Herald had the story behind Pizza-gate a few days ago, and NESN even caught part of this action in Toronto (suprisingly no 5-second delay button was pushed when the kid from Boston flipped off the kid from Toronto).

Kindly Turn Your Attention to the Right Column

Added a link to one of my new favorite blogs, Fire Joe Morgan. The bulk of FJM's content is a constant railing of everything ESPN star baseball analyst Joe Morgan says either on ESPN Sunday Night Baseball broadcasts or through his ESPN chats:

Anthony (LA):: Joe, what does having four full straight days off do to the Cleveland Indians? Do you think that MLB should open the season in roofed or warm weather stadiums?

Joe Morgan: It affects them because they will lose some timing, but they have underground batting facilities and such. It's going to affect them, but they'll have to adjust.

[FJM commentary]: Here's how Hall of Famer and multiple Emmy winner for excellence in broadcasting just treated Anthony from L.A.

Q. What does having four straight days off do to the Indians?
A. It affects them.
Q. Do you think MLB should open the season in warmer climates or domed stadiums?
A. (silence)
Q. Hello?

This one is the best of the week, however:

Rick H. (Selah, Wa.): Do you think King Felix has a shot at the AL Cy Young this season? Or, will it be another year or two?

Joe Morgan: Dwight Gooden is the best young pitcher I've ever seen. He was better than all of them at a young age.

[FJM commentary]: Very very simple question, for an analyst. Will Felix H. contend for the Cy this year, or will it take a little longer. Answer is to a completely different question, namely: "Who is the best young pitcher you ever saw?"

This is amazing. The man should be fired immediately, for this answer. This is a fireable offense, to me, if you are supposed to the #1 analyst on the #1 baseball network in America. Shocking. (Sorry this isn't funny, or even really attempting to be. I am just stunned into earnestness.)

I'm not going to copy and paste the entire transcript because my name isn't Ron Borges, but I definitely suggest that you stop by there every week, just to catch up on the inanity of it all. Out of all the play-by-play and color commentary announcers in all of sports, how is possible that we don't have a solid, national #1 duo or trio?

I don't pay too much attention to basketball broadcasts, but it seems like one of the few sports where the broadcast team is secondary to the action. Baseball and Football have so much downtime between snaps/plays/pitches/hits/etc -- broadcasts require a little more flavor to keep viewers interested between DirecTV commercials.

Pizza Throwdown

Will Papa Gino's now become "The Official Projectile Pizza of the Boston Red Sox"?

Story of the Day

This from the Boston Globe Local News Updates blog:

Nachos provoke fistfight at Revere High

My favorite part: an image of nachos (Nachos deluxe, to be exact) -- probably not the nachos that were the cause of the fight, but an image of nachos, just in case readers don't know what nachos are.

I thought schools are supposed to be combating fatty foods in the cafeteria. I hope those are veggie nachos!

Guess Who's Back...

..back again.

Blogs take a back seat when the life-stuff takes over. Nothing crazy happening the last two months, but nothing worthwhile either. Anyhow, as the temperature starts to rise from brisk average of 40 these days to something warmer over the next several months, so will the frequency of me putting thoughts to keyboard.